The lava was getting closer.
Zuo Linyuan and Zhang Sijia got up and prepared to head towards the theater in the southeast in order to avoid this increasingly rampant problem.
The ground continued to shake frequently, cracks everywhere. They could hear the thundering crashes of collapsing buildings from time to time and feel the terrifying rumbles they made. The world was in shambles.
Zhang Sijia pondered as he walked, what exactly happened to Team 2012? Why did they lose three members in quick succession after leaving that building in which they had both fought on, leaving only two left?
Was it internal strife? But with the lure of returning to reality, even if they had their conflicts, they shouldn’t have manifested now. Then it was probably due to Judas. They had six members during the corpse ball, but the first announcement said ‘2012: Player count decreases by one. Four survivors.”
Which meant, they actually had five members before the first death, suggesting that Judas was in their team.
It looked like one of their members had died alone before midnight. Otherwise they would have been like them; because the first death before midnight occurred under everyone’s eyes, they were deemed unworthy to become Judas, so no Judas appeared in the round.
As for the identity of Judas, Zhang Sijia guessed that it was most likely Dan Liang. Song Hanzhang’s command “Dan Liang is in their team, don’t let any of them go” told him clearly who the shapeshifting player was. He had probably shifted into Liu Qingqing because his identity as Judas had been exposed, and those from 2012 were going after him with all their might.
But then, why did Judas infiltrate Team 2002?
Zhang Sijia couldn’t figure it out and had to put it aside. Now, he was more concerned about who they were about to face – their final two opponents.
Who were they? The Lu Ren from 2012 was probably still alive, but he wondered who the other one was.
If only Lu Ren had given him more information before leaving, Zhang Sijia frowned. Thinking of Lu Ren, he was reminded once again of what he saw when he and Zuo Linyuan had made their wretched escape from the dormitory building. Even until now, he still couldn’t understand why Lu Ren had to kill Su Tian and Mu Chunning. He could only guess that it had something to do with the box in his hand. He seemed to need players’ corpses? But what for? Was the box some sort of strengthening item?
That didn’t seem right. After Su Tian resurrected, she lost all her previous items and spells; the same had to apply to Lu Ren – he had also complained about losing his Tang dao after dying. Even though they both had a chance to pull from the rewards pool, Su Tian received a lightning skill while Lu Ren received a tracking skill, “Hunter”. So where did that strange box come from?
“Are you alright?” Zuo Linyuan noticed Zhang Sijia’s face growing paler and asked, concerned.
Zhang Sijia woke up from his troubled thoughts. “…I’m fine.”
Zuo Linyuan looked at him with worry. His lips moved, but in the end, he didn’t ask a thing. He knew that Zhang Sijia had a heavy heart and never spoke of what was on his mind. Forcing him to say anything would be counterproductive. That feeling of powerlessness once again surged up Zuo Linyuan’s heart; he didn’t know what to do with this person.
He was stubborn in the face of force but if one was gentle with him, he would use that to his advantage. No matter how much tenderness and care was given, it was like light devoured by a blackhole; it could never light up his heart drowning in hatred and self-pity.
What a despicable person, yet it was this despicable person who saved Zuo Linyuan when he was buried in despair.
Even with the intention of making use of him, he was the first to recognize Zuo Linyuan and tell him that homosexuality was not a fault.
What a simple and normal sentence, yet for Zuo Linyuan it was like a traveler through the desert dying from thirst being given a cupful of water; he would never forget that sweet and fresh taste.
Even Zhang Sijia didn’t know how much salvation that awkward consolation laced with kindness gave to Zuo Linyuan.
Zuo Linyuan was born into a military family and grew up in the military compounds1. His parents were both officers and in such a strict family, Zuo Linyuan become a young man who followed the rules and was of impeccable character and learning. He was good-looking, good at studying, good at sports, and never dated early nor fooled around; he was in general the paradigm of ‘the other family’s kid’. This perfection continued until he hit puberty and a few friends dragged him to watch porn to ‘gain insight’. While his companions were all excited over the AV actress masturbating with toys on-screen, Zuo Linyuan realized that not only did he not feel anything, he even felt disgusted. His friends mistook this indifference for embarrassment at watching these sorts of things with others, and snuck him an USB filled with these videos. For some reason, Zuo Linyuan didn’t refuse the gift.
In the depth of night, Zuo Linyuan locked his room, put on his earphones, and quickly clicked through each video. Innocent, charming, cute, sexy… none of them could give him any kind of physical reaction, until he opened a GV that was somehow mixed in. The main character of the video was a young boy with a gentle and refined face, his thin and naked body pressing against the line between youth and maturity extraordinarily sensual on the bed. As he straddled the man and allowed their genitalia to enter his body with shame and endurance, his whining gasps haunted Zuo Linyuan’s ears.
At that moment, an indefensible physical reaction convinced Zuo Linyuan at last. He didn’t have erectile dysfunction, he liked men.
The knowledge was akin to a strike to the head for someone who had accepted nothing but the most old-fashioned education. For a long time, he couldn’t accept that reality, and refused to do so. But he couldn’t explain why he downloaded that video. In the depth of night, he returned to that youthful yet wild desire over and over again, secretly releasing himself. But when the sun rose, his instinct to hide took control of his rationality; he returned to that perfect shell again and pretended to know nothing about his reality.
He dated a girl in order to prove his normalcy, but he didn’t even want to hold her hand. That girl was smart, and also very sensitive. Even though she confessed to Zuo Linyuan first, she quickly realized after the first rush of serotonin that the perfect man in her eyes didn’t like her.
Used to being flattered by members of the opposite sex, she quickly chose to break up. “If you don’t like me, you shouldn’t have agreed to be my boyfriend.”
“…I’m sorry.” Zuo Linyuan could only say sorry, because he felt guilty.
That guilt made her suspicious. She looked at him for a long time, then spoke deliberately, “I really think it’s strange. I’m fairly good looking; even if you don’t like me, you shouldn’t…”
She frowned. “At least my exes weren’t like you.”
He was too chivalrous, too distant, sometimes she could even feel a restrained aversion from him. This shouldn’t be the attitude of a man to a woman. Even if he didn’t like her, a boy shouldn’t be like this towards an enthusiastic and passionate girl!
Unless… unless he never liked women.
“Zuo Linyuan, are you… gay?” she asked tentatively.
With a buzz, Zuo Linyuan’s mind blanked. His secret was exposed and burnt under the sun; that extreme shame lashed out at him. He wanted to deny ir, to angrily retort, but he couldn’t say anything. His pale face and strange silence at that moment betrayed him; her faint suspicions were true.
The fury of being treated with indifference, and the humiliation of being lied to, it made her laugh in anger. So that was it, that was it!
Her apprehension and inferiority immediately turned into proud contempt. She held her head up high and proud and spat out twisted malice with pleasure: “Zuo Linyuan, you disgust me.”
The nightmare started from there.
His parents found the GV he hid in his laptop by accident. He could have made up a million excuses for himself, but having been brought up not to lie, he missed the best chance to argue for himself. His parents punished him severely and told him to avoid those perverted, sexual misdeeds. They didn’t understand what it really meant, they insisted that it was an ‘illness’, a ‘mistake’ that needed fixing. Even Zuo Linyuan thought so.
Those once vibrant colors faded; the world became a monochrome prison.
He was caged in a shell, unable to see any color.
Black, white, grey. He lived in this monochrome world like a walking corpse.
This awkward and painful situation continued until Zuo Linyuan entered university. By then, he finally knew that homosexuality was not an illness and was not something that could be changed, but he had to adjust, he couldn’t disappoint his parents.
He thought his life would continue like this; he would be forced by that love to step onto the same path tens of thousands of people had already walked on: graduate, work, marry, rear a child… responsibility would lock him firmly in a loyal yet painful marriage, forcing him to carry out the duties of a son, a husband, a father, chained and locked away yet carrying on, for his entire life. Everyone would smile and encourage him, praise him, but no one would care if his path was stained with blood and worse than the road to hell.
Until he met Zhang Sijia, his roommate.
The first time he saw him, Zuo Linyuan had already made his bunk in the dormitory room; his sheets were folded like a piece of tofu, all his daily necessities placed neatly and meticulously as his parents had ordered him from youth, and as he was used to doing. The rolling sound of luggage and the sound of footsteps stopped outside the door. Zuo Linyuan looked up; the September sun streamed into the room through the window wall on the balcony, and the person who pushed the door met his eyes –
They had a gentle and refined face. They were tall, but still looked young and thin after their growth spurt. Even though they had such gentle features and the smell of books around them, the black earring on their left ear added a rebellious aura. He held his luggage in one hand, the other hand holding open the door, and smiled at him. “Hello, I’m Zhang Sijia.”
The barren world was suddenly colorful, bright.
The first look brought color, like the spring breeze rolling new leaves into the dusty black room. At that moment, his repressed heart pounded, all chains around himself forgotten. Zuo Linyuan suddenly decided.
He fell in love at first sight with this person.
***
1In China, children who come from backgrounds with heavy ties in politics or the military will live with each other in a manner of ‘compound’. The treatment there is extremely nice, apparently.
***
Vera’s Notes:
On a somewhat personal note, I significantly dislike that ‘girlfriend’. Not cool, bro.
Vera & Luci Translations 
Yeah that ex gf is a jerk.
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