V3C8 Last Day in Qingdao

The time we had in Qingdao passed quickly, and it seemed like in a flash, it had become the last day already.

On that morning, we took a simple marine biology test, and in the afternoon, we went to see a warship. When we got back, we held a closing ceremony, and awarded the Outstanding Camper Award. Like that, the summer camp officially ended.

Tomorrow, we’d leave Qingdao. Master Jia likely remembered that he would be returning to his father’s strict rules, and insisted on partying the night away. Zhang Jun and Master Zhen went and bought three bottles of wine, a carton of beer, a collection of snacks, and snuck them onto the dorm roofs. 

Zhang Jun’s friends were naturally Master Zhang and Master Jia, so I wanted to invite Lin Yiran and Shen Yuanzhe, but for some reason, he shot me down. When I asked him for a reason, he told me that Lin Yiran was a good kid and wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I responded by saying that as I lived in the same room as Ms Xing, if I returned by myself late into the night, she would become suspicious, but if I brought the first in the class with me, she wouldn’t think too hard about it. After careful consideration, he could only agree.

We tore open a few cardboard boxes and spread them along the ground. With two torches, we held our hidden farewell party.

Both Zhang Jun and Master Zhen seemed familiar with smoking but, surprisingly, it was the first time that Master Jia had ever smoked. As he clumsily attempted to copy Zhang Jun puff out smoke rings, Master Zhen laughed from the sidelines mercilessly. 

Zhang Jun passed me a can of beer, but I shook my head. “I don’t drink.”

“Never drank, or gave it up?”

“Never drank.”

He paused, not expecting that I was able to keep away from alcohol even after spending such a long time with Xiao Bo. “What about cigarettes?”

“Sometimes for fun.”

Zhang Jun passed me a cigarette. I took it and lit it with his fire. When I raised my head I saw Shen Yuanzhe and Lin Yiran staring at me in shock. I smiled a little.

Lin Yiran didn’t drink nor smoke and watched us, half nervous, half curious, as she held a bag of dried fish.

Zhang Jun taught Master Zhen how to play Morra, making him take a shot each time he lost. He seemed to enjoy the taste of the ‘wildness’ his parents and teachers forbade.

Master Zhen decided just drinking was too boring and dragged everyone to play Trains*, him deciding the place names.

“Who’ll be Qingdao?” he asked.

Both Zhang Jun and I spoke up immediately. “Me.”

Everyone started laughing at us. In the end, Zhang Jun became Beijing, I became Qingdao, Lin Yiran was Nanjing, and Shen Yuanzhe was Shanghai.

If I lost, Zhang Jun would help me drink; if Lin Yiran lost, Shen Yuanzhe would help her drink. After setting the rules, we started playing.

“Last call, last call, the train from Beijing has departed!”

“Where are you going?”

“Nanjing.”

At first, the game was played properly, but it turned more and more chaotic as it went on. Master Jia was terrible at holding his liquor and quickly became drunk. He insisted on holding Lin Yiran’s hands, babbling on about wanting to say something to her. Lin Yiran scooted away in fear. Seeing the scene unfold, Master Zhen sat between them and passed his own hand to Master Jia, who held onto it tightly, gently patting it and crying. “Yiran…”

Lin Yiran held back her laughter, her face flushed, and watched Master Zhen and Master Jia. Master Zhen had a dumb smile on his face, constantly twisting it up into funny expressions at her.

Shen Yuanzhe had a better alcohol tolerance than Master Jia, but he drank enough for two people. He backed himself against a corner, both hands on the ground, and insisted on doing a handstand for us to prove he was sober. He kept crawling along the ground, upside-down, calling out to us non-stop. We all nodded and smiled, not bothering to acknowledge him.

Zhang Jun drank as much as Shen Yuanzhe, but was still only a little tipsy. We climbed onto the fence, looking up at the city’s burning lights. Though the racket behind us would periodically leak over, we remained strangely quiet.

Zhang Jun held a cigarette between his fingers, watching it slowly burn into ashes. “After what happened in Year Nine, I quit smoking,” he explained. “I only put on a show when I hang around others.”

I nodded, expressing my understanding.

He signed. “Xu Xiaobo was truly good to you.”

“He was before. We’ve stopped contacting each other now.”

“I’ve lost contact with my friends too.”

We looked into the distance quietly. In our rebellious period, he had been one of the lucky ones, but hadn’t I been as well?

He suddenly blurted out, “I’m very happy.”

I tilted my face towards him in surprise. He repeated. “I’m really happy.”

I understood what he meant and lowered my voice. “I’m the same.”

He suddenly grabbed my hand and said loudly to the sky. “When we get married, we’ll come to Qingdao for our honeymoon.”

My face immediately flushed red. Thank goodness everyone behind us was dead drunk, and those that were sobre would assume we were drunk. After a long time, I replied with a very, very light “okay” but he heard it immediately and smiled foolishly.

No matter how other people saw this city, in our hearts, it was a most beautiful dream. We smiled and promised to return one day. We both thought that as long as we had a promise between us, we could retain our happiness forever.

On our way back, we took a train through Beijing. Because it was the summer holidays, it was especially hard to find tickets, especially ones with beds attached. In the end, Ms Xing had to trouble Master Zhen to buy everyone tickets.

At the station, Zhang Jun took both his and my luggage. I was a little anxious that the teacher might see something wrong with it, but when I saw that I wasn’t the only one being helped, I relaxed.

The train station was packed full of people and Ms Xing shouted as she nervously counted heads, “Stay together everybody and don’t get lost! Those with bed tickets, follow me, and those without, follow Mr Wang! Zhang Jun, stay at the back and make sure no-one loses their way.”

I was about to take back my luggage when Zhang Jun said, “just follow me.”

I looked at him in confusion. Master Zhen turned around and smiled. “Zhang Jun asked me to buy you a bed seat.”

The few schoolmates who had heard this turned towards me, Huang Wei amongst them, her eyes filled with unabashed disdain. I suddenly felt hurt- sure, I didn’t have money, but I was more than happy to sit on the hard seats with everyone else! I grabbed my luggage from him. “Let go!”

Zhang Jun saw my behavior, hesitated, then let go. I dragged my luggage and jogged to catch up with Lin Yiran and Shen Yuanzhe.

I felt my face stay flushed, hands trembling, until we finished boarding the train.

Soon, Zhang Jun hurried over, waved at Lin Yiran and sat down next to me. I looked outside the train window, refusing to speak.

At that moment, I knew Zhang Jun was unable to understand my shame and embarrassment. In his eyes, he bought the tickets as a surprise for me to make the trip more comfortable and give us more personal space, but I got angry.

He stayed next to me for a long time, pleading for me to go with him to the bed compartment but I kept my mouth shut, staring outside and ignoring him.

My coldness and his cautious probing finally drew the attention of everyone else. With so many people looking at him, his pride was unable to take it, and he angrily left for his compartment.

Lin Yiran sat back down, not daring to speak. She poured me a cup of tea and placed it on the table.

I gazed at the passing scenes outside the window, confusion clouding my mind. This summer camp was like a dream separate from the reality of life. When our train arrived at the stop, would it be time for me to wake up? Was it truly as Shelley said, that “the flower that smiles to-day, to-morrow dies; all that we wish to stay tempts us, then flies. What is the world’s delight? Lightning that mocks the night, bright and fleeting.”*

(Mutability by Percy Bysshe Shelley)

Everyone around me was playing cards. Because we had grown more familiar with each other, we were even more lively than on the trip to, but I felt like I was trapped in a completely different space and time, filled with the sadness of a farewell.

Both Master Zhen and Master Jia were playing cards over there, but he… Nevertheless, he won’t be lonely. After all, Huang Wei wasn’t there either.

Twilight slowly covered the ground, obscuring the outside world. I was gazing at the window when Zhang Jun’s voice sounded next to me. “Don’t be angry. I was wrong this time.”

I leant my forehead against the window, ignoring him.

He spoke up sadly. “I’ve already swapped my ticket for a seat one. I’ll sit on the hard seats with you.”

He gingerly tugged on my sleeve. “Hey, are you really not gonna talk to me again? I’m still going to stick to you.”

My heart, which had been despairing, resting in a pit of pessimism, suddenly started jumping. My face was still taut, but my voice had softened. “You don’t need to sit with me, go sleep at night and come find me in the morning.”

“There’s no need, if you like sitting on the hard seats, I’ll sit with you.”

I repeated myself many more times but he would always push me off with a smile. Someone called us to play cards and he asked me if I wanted to go. Reluctant to end this time where I could have him to myself, I shook my head.

“You should sleep for a while,” Zhang Jun said.

Because everyone else had squished themselves together to talk, the two of us sat on a three-seater alone. From experience, we knew that if one person lay down to sleep, there would be just enough space to fit the other.

I used some books as a pillow, took off my glasses, and lied down, trying to keep my legs towards the back of the seat to give him more room.

Even though it was a completely normal thing to do, the fact that the person beside me was Zhang Jun made it feel entirely different, my heart both happy and nervous to no end.

But he sat there, upright, listening to music whilst flipping through my book. My heart gradually calmed and I closed my eyes, smiling.

It was barely past ten and the train compartment was filled with noise; I was really tired but I couldn’t fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt Zhang Jun carefully pushing away my hair and placing an ear bud into my ear. I kept still, pretending I was asleep.

Zhang Jun probably selected the single song repeat option so the same song was played over and over.

I rarely kept up to date with pop culture, not to mention that the song playing was Cantonese. I was unable to understand the lyrics but I felt like it radiated warmth and soothing, lulling me to sleep. When I woke up, my ears were still surrounded by that affectionate singing.

It was only years later when I was able to speak Catonese fluently and heard this familiar melody from the radio of a friend’s car, did I realise that it was [Destined to Love You] by Chen Baiqiang.

Back then as I listened to that song quietly, the eternal stretch of time had been shortened to the length of that single melody, in front of me only the fading lights of Victoria Harbor.

Generations had passed, but that song remained the same as back then.

When I had woken up, I saw that it was past three in the morning. There were still many people playing cards, bursting out in periods of laughter. Zhang Jun was slumped on the table, sleeping.

I wanted to sit up and I jostled a little, waking him up in an instant. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m done sleeping, you should lie down for a while too.”

“I’m fine, sleep all you want.”

“I’m done sleeping, really! Even if I tried to sleep here I wouldn’t be able to, I’ll catch up when I get tired during the day.”

I grabbed my toiletries, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair. Ever since I became friends again with Zhang Jun, I unconsciously started to care more about my appearance.

When I came back, he had already lied down and was watching me, a smile on his face. I sat next to him, grabbed a book and silently read on. I was afraid to disturb him and didn’t dare move an inch, my back gradually becoming uncomfortable and sore. Even then though, I still felt infinitely happy.

I put down my book and watched him, head lowered. How unbelievable, that this person could lie so close to me. Every day with him felt like it was like a dream and I couldn’t help but smile foolishly like a landlord looking at my secret stash of wealth.

 I casually looked up and saw that Shen Yuanzhe was watching me. Startled and embarrassed, I tried to cover up my actions with bluster. “You’re awake?”

He nodded, glanced at his watch, and noticed as well that it was almost six in the morning. He got up to go to the bathroom in case the water ran out. Back then, there was never enough water in the hard-seat compartments, so if you were even a little too late, you wouldn’t have an opportunity to wash up.

When he came back, we chatted amongst ourselves quietly. He talked about his younger sister, Shen Yuansi, who turned out to be in the same school as Lin Lan. Since both of them lived in the same city, they quickly became good friends. Shen Yuanzhe wasn’t the type to talk about other people without them there though, and even under my constant questioning, only mentioned some brief things about her.

We were still whispering to each other when Zhang Jun woke up and said semi-consciously, “I’m thirsty.”

I hastily passed a cup to him but he refused to hold it himself. WIth half closed eyes, he drank it straight out of my hands, as if still half-asleep.

“If you’re this sleepy, then go back to sleep.”

He shook his head again.

“Then go brush your teeth or there won’t be any water left for you.”

“Come with me.”

This sleepy Zhang Jun was like a child, and I made a helpless expression at Shen Yuanzhe before helping him take his toiletries and wash up.

When we returned, Shen Yuanzhe had already swapped seats with someone else and was having breakfast with them.

Zhang Jun took down his backpack and started to pull smaller bags from it, asking, “What do you want to eat?”

I looked at the table of snacks in shock and shook my head.

“Then let’s go to the canteen carriage to eat.”

“If you want to eat, then I’ll follow you. I don’t like eating big meals on trains, just fruit, so don’t worry about me,” I told him.

Zhang Jun looked rather discouraged. “Luo Qiqi, you’re very hard to please, you know.”

I didn’t understand. “Why do you want to please me? It’s not like you need to.”

He cut up an apple for me, so though I wasn’t hungry, I had no option but to accept it. After I finished, my stomach felt rather uncomfortable, but I couldn’t tell him that so I just said I was a little tired and leaned back on the chair to pretend to sleep.

The compartment gradually got more lively. The voice of Master Zhen pierced through the din. “Cards, people, cards. Let us make the most out of the last of our happy days! Zhang Jun, get over here.”

“No thanks, you guys go play, I think I’ll read for a bit.”

Zhang Jun sat there, not moving. Seeing that someone as fun-loving as him quiet down for me, I felt gratitude and fear.

I opened my eyes. “I want to drink some water.”

He was exceedingly happy, as if he was enjoying taking care of me and immediately poured me a cup of hot water. I slowly drank it and started to feel my stomach getting better.

Someone lost their card game, stood on the seat and shouted to the whole carriage, “I’m a pig!”

We all laughed.

Whether it was to or fro, our presence would always make the entire carriage filled with happiness. Youth was truly a wonderful thing.

I smiled and said, “let’s go play cards as well.”

Zhang Jun smiled and nodded.

Time flew when you had fun, and not long had passed before night arrived again. Remembering we’d arrive tomorrow morning, I didn’t feel sleepy at all. I wished so badly for time to forever remain frozen in this one moment.

Zhang Jun also seemed to have similar thoughts. Towards the end, he refused to play anything, just talking to me.

Night fell. The people next to us played cards, those opposite us sleeping, but we whispered to each other quietly. We weren’t talking about anything important, all of it nonsense. At first he pretended to read my palm and went on about career lines and relationship lines. Afterwards I remembered that Zhao Rong from Class 8 bought a book on horoscopes and I borrowed it to investigate.

I was a Libra and he was a Taurus and we read my sheet first under Zhang Jun’s request.

The guardian planet of Libra was Saturn, and its element was wind. Socially, they seeked balance; naturally elegant with a strong sense of communication and an easy to trust demeanor. They felt lonely easily, and were afraid to be left out. They wished for their significant other to keep them company, but their wind aspect meant that female Libras would fear confinement. They were strange and mercurial, with an inbuilt sense of logic, but their hearts weren’t as easy-going as they presented. They could be capricious, but would hide it behind elegance; independent but kind; emotional but appearing level-headed, and they could be warm enough to boil water, but when they wanted to keep their distance, they could freeze their entire surroundings.

“Is that right?” Zhang Jun asked me.

“The good things are correct, the slanders are wrong,” I replied.

Zhang Jun smirked. “Why do I feel the exact opposite? All the good parts are wrong, yet all the bad parts are so right.”

I tapped him with the book before flipping to the front to read his section.

The guardian planet of Taurus was Saturn, and it was an earth sign. Taurus aren’t impulsive or impetuous and would take details into account. They were skilled at enduring, and very artistic, both in making and judging things like fine art. They were stubborn, and if their mind was set on something, wouldn’t change, whether it being a relationship, job, or environment. That was both their greatest strength, and their greatest weakness.

Male Taurus weren’t impulsive in anything they did, including love. They wouldn’t fall into the trap of love at first sight, and when they fell for a female, they would observe for a long time before deciding whether or not to act. However, after their decision, they would give their all without constraint. Male Taurus were homely people with a desire for familial peace; they had a strong sense of possession and protection towards their family with the potential to become overbearing. They could accept insults silently, but valued their dignity highly… 

I laughed as I read. “Look, we have the same guardian planet – Saturn, in charge of love and beauty.”

We looked at each other and smiled. Probably only people in love would be happy from those miniscule, random coincidences.

Zhang Jun had no interest in his personality traits; I was reading the book and he was watching me.

“You don’t feel like a honest and reliable Taurus at all!”

“Then what am I like?”

“A pig.”

“No, you.”

“Nuh-uh. Come on, say it, ‘I’m a pig’.”

“Say what?”

“I’m a pig.”

“You’re a pig.”

“‘I’m a pig’!”

“That’s what I said, you’re a pig!”

We passed our time spewing more nonsensities, always laughing. It was as if for now, no matter what we did or what we said, it would always be amusing, truly and dearly happy.

The night passed in a flash. I didn’t feel tired at all, instead filled with a growing reluctance and clinginess to Zhang Jun.

When we had arrived at our destination, the school sent a bus to pick us up. Boarding the bus and seeing the familiar surroundings, I was suddenly hit with terror- we had come back to the real world.

Both Zhang Jun and I sat there in silence, unable to find something to talk about. A strange sense of estrangement filled the gap between us, as if that couple who had been constantly whispering and laughing on the train was someone else.

The driver was probably a fan of Chen Shuhua, filling the car exclusively with her songs, from《At Moments of Dream Waking》to《Stuttering Red Dust》.

“You who were so thoughtless at first, and I who was so inexperienced, the fate of our lives, intertwined only by the voiceless, hurrying life…”

Zhang Jun was still so clueless but I felt as if a needle had pierced my heart. Pretending to be admiring the scenery, I placed my gaze outside.

“Easy to come, hard to leave, countless years on the earth; easy to part, hard to unite, the neverending misery of love and hate. This heart which should have been yours, it still shields my chest so tightly, all only for that life-changing hand behind our changing faces…”

During that song, the bus stopped outside my house. My sister was playing with her friends downstairs and when she saw us, she shouted excitedly and ran over. “Sis, sis!” she cheered, before shouting upstairs. “Mom, Dad, Sis is back.”

Zhang Jun intended to help me carry my luggage down, but I immediately assured nervously, “It’s fine, it’s fine.” Hauling my bags down the bus shakily, I didn’t even know what I was so afraid of. What was I scared of, being seen by my parents? The neighbors?

My mother’s head poked out from the veranda. “Just put the luggage on the ground, your dad has already gone down.”

Zhang Jun stood next to the car and watched me silently and Ms Xing and Mr Wang both waved me goodbye from inside the bus. My dad said his thanks to the teachers.

I stood next to my sister and politely smiled goodbye to the teachers and schoolmates. Surrounded by my family, teachers, and others, the distance between him and I suddenly expanded. It was so loud and lively, but my heart was filled with a desolate silence.

My sister clutched my hand and walked upstairs, chittering. “Is Beijing fun? Did you guys take photos at TianAnmen Square…”

Back then,  the feelings of this age could only be hidden in the dark. I didn’t even have time to turn my head around before I had already reached home.

Back, I took out the presents I prepared for my family, cheering them all up. My little sister kept asking me which one was more fun for me, Beijing or Qingdao, but my mind was far away.

“Catching a train is so tiring and you probably didn’t have much good food outside so go rest first. I’m going to make you your favourite dishes for dinner,” my mother said, and shooed me upstairs.

In my bedroom, I lay on my bed, and despite how tired I was, was unable to sleep. Seeing the familiar bookcase, the familiar bed, I felt like Cinderella after twelve had struck, the magic vanished and reality returned.

Outside, we were all a little group and Zhang Jun could be different, but back here in reality, his life was so colorful- who could I be to him? That beautiful dream had popped, so even if my heart was wrenched in pain, pouring out tears, I had to keep smiling like nothing had happened.

---

*Trains is a Chinese game I believe where each person acts as a certain place. Someone asks another where they are going, and that person has to say the name of their place as quickly as possible. It continues until someone messes up ie slow reaction.

Vera’s Notes:
Oh boy, this chapter was a doozy… I feel more like a rewriter than an editor sometimes, but here you guys go! An entire chapter-length chapter! Usually Luci splits them up into two or three sections so it’s easier for her to work through, but I believe this is full-length. (Ironically, it felt shorter to work through than the V3C5s…) Happy reading, all of you! I really do enjoy seeing your comments~

Luci:
Please don’t underage drink guys, or smoke for that matter
Would you guys prefer lengthy chapters that take longer to be uploaded or shorter chapters like before?

Previous Chapter|TOC|Next Chapter